I decided to come and pay my respects to my colleague's brother after work today. He was at the prime of his life when he had a stroke.
I don't like going to funerals, more so alone, because they give me the creeps. Death is something inevitable but it's one thing I'm not prepared to face. I feel very sad when someone dies. It's the grief and melancholy that makes me don't want to go to funerals. I easily absorb it and I ponder for days. The widow accompanied me in front of the casket. It was another thing I don't really like about going to funerals because I imagine the dead person suddenly opening his or her eyes. I just said a short prayer and off I went to sit on one of the pews.
His widow was soft-spoken. She appeared calm but when she started talking about her husband, I couldn't help but notice her cracking voice and her teary eyes. She was on the verge of crying but kinda held back. She mentioned that it was his lifestyle that killed him. I still wouldn't understand the pain of losing a love one and it's something that I really don't want to happen. But I did sense the depth of the pain she was feeling at that point. I admired her for not falling apart in front of me. I wouldn't know how to handle such an emotion.
The family spoke in front of me and they still couldn't believe that he was gone. I can only bow my head and I said another short prayer for the family.
As I headed out of the room, I felt really, really sad about another death that happened to someone I know. The death reminded me of how short our life is as we are only living on borrowed time. It made me realize that I still have not prepared for this point in my life when I face God's judgment. I hope that there's still more time for me to change all that.
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